Saturday, 25 June 2011

CSI Cymru

Someone has done a runner. Or something more like.
Yesterday I picked up this distress call:

"This is all that is left of the runner bean of joy. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO IT. It was in a tub full of green shoots.. THEY HAVE ALL BEEN MASSACRED. I can only imagine by either a) aliens or b) someone who hates me." 

The "runner bean of joy" was no ordinary runner bean. Named with affection, it had been a birthday present to my good friend Sarah, veteran of many a festival and gig and music musing. A young seedling nurtured in Bristol, and safely carried across the border to Cardiff way back in May, it made its first public a cool bar. Yes, this bean was destined for great things handling celebrity status with assurance and charming those in its presence.  

Paul, 28, from Cardiff, and seen here bonding with the bean, was inconsolable at the news "It's not right, this can't be, he was an inspiration to me, made me appreciate there's more to this world than crazy nights out in 'Diff."

Bev, a socialite from North London remarked "Working as an influential women in the media, I often come across chancers and wanabees trying to make an impression at events, but this bean was the real deal, he could have had any girl he wanted. And even some of the boys." 

She was not wrong:

It's clear this was a professional job. Not a shred of evidence was left. Someone, or something had it in for the runner bean of joy. Someone, was jealous.

Here's a picture taken only two weeks ago showing the bean on holiday.

Sarah is devastated. Local investigators are at a loss and we're calling for anyone who may be able to help identify what happened and who might have done this? 

Runner beans don't just die.


Esther Montgomery said...

It could almost drive you to chemical killers!

Does it have siblings who could . . . not exactly take its place . . . but be a kind of consolation during bereavement?


Hapless kitchen gardener said...

Sadly all it's siblings remained in Bristol and are now flourishing, unable to make the journey over the border. Sarah says she may try again in future, when she's ready...

Anonymous said...

Found you on Blotanical (hi)... and I think it's a serial killer (though it could be slugs). I'm in Wales - Snowdonia, though - and it may be a Welsh problem because I've lost two of my four. Never happened before.

Obviously getting your bean over the border was not enough. If a contract is out, a contract is out. Your bean, he sleeps with the fishes. And my beans.

Hapless gardener said...

Beangenie, that did make me laugh - welcome to the blog and thank you for commenting on this heinous crime. My friend Sarah shares your pain and one can only hope this assassin/slug is apprehended soon before more beans are taken out

The Hapless Kitchen Gardener

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I only feel hapless because some people make it look easy to grow 10 ft marrows or a banquet of greens whereas my courgettes got nabbed by killer slugs and I only got one raspberry. So tips and stories from people less hapless than I are more than welcome. As a disclaimer though, none of my comments should be taken as expert advice on which you can rely! © Unless stated otherwise, and with the exception of guest content where that guest retains copyright, all photos and posts are the copyright of Tom Carpen and may not be used without permission.