Friday, 23 September 2011

Guest post: Guilt (by Ellie Russell)

Sans green fingers

You may well ask how an Acer can make you feel guilty. Well, if you are, then you haven’t been on the receiving end of a beautiful flame coloured variety sprouting skywards with such alarming speed and joy at being let loose on your mini- balcony only to three weeks later whimper (visibly not audibly, that would be silly) and discard every leaf - leaving nothing but a twisted brown skeleton.

This Acer was my balcony’s new pride and joy. A small but beautiful touch of the outdoors creating a small canopy of tranquillity over my ceramic owl. I realise that this may sound as though I have a balcony filled with freakish stone ornamental animals or worse, gnomes. A macabre garden tribute to our loving outdoor friends. Please don’t fear for me, as despite living in Southampton, I have not lost my sanity… yet. There is only one ceramic animal and I assure you, he is endearing and very discreet.

Meanwhile guilt bites again as my fuchsia (Beautiful Dreamer) does not live up to its promise. The flowers are a washed-out pink. NOT the bright red promised by the image on the ‘how to look after your fuchsia’ card. Even worse, up on the top balcony of our block, perched up in a priority spot lapping up the sunshine hangs a fuchsia heavy with flower, red petals gleaming in the sun.

“What if? Maybe if? Should I have? Did I use the wrong?” There comes a point when you have to stop asking yourself questions about what you did to deserve the ultimate plant rejection. The guilt becomes all-consuming. Had only I not gone on holiday leaving my plants in the careful but sporadic attention of my neighbours…had I used Baby Bio and not the cheaper home brand plant food…maybe?

Ultimately I decide my fingers are just not fecking green enough.

Screw this plant growing. I’m off to get myself something classy to keep my owl ceramic company.

If you live anywhere near Southampton or you're just passing through check out the Berry Theatre where the wicked Ellie does some awesome work, instead of caring for her Acer!
This is the latest in a series of guests posts about the emotions we feel as we try our hand at raising plants and veg, fight the beasts and pests and dream of being the unholy love child of Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall and Percy Thrower (I'm sure it's possible). Head over to my guest bed to find more

1 comment:

foxglovelane said...

Hehe, really enjoyed your post, but what the feck if your fingers are not green enough? What is enough anyway? Off you go again, there is always hope for the next adventure in the garden, and all this is fromm the original lazy one. Lol.

The Hapless Kitchen Gardener

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I only feel hapless because some people make it look easy to grow 10 ft marrows or a banquet of greens whereas my courgettes got nabbed by killer slugs and I only got one raspberry. So tips and stories from people less hapless than I are more than welcome. As a disclaimer though, none of my comments should be taken as expert advice on which you can rely! © Unless stated otherwise, and with the exception of guest content where that guest retains copyright, all photos and posts are the copyright of Tom Carpen and may not be used without permission.